


i'm half doomed and you're semi sweet

by punkpete



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (as usual), Anal Sex, Barebacking, Blowjobs, Bottom Dan, Dirty Talk, Domestic Bliss, Established Relationship, Kissing, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut, Some Fluff, Swearing, a brief louise mention, a dash of petnames, duh - Freeform, just in case anyone wanted that clarified, lots of banter, more aptly called, of course, phil is in charge, sounds quite obvious doesn't it, there's some dan feeding phil, wee bit of jealous dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 09:46:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11871747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkpete/pseuds/punkpete
Summary: “Does it sound pathetic if I say I missed you?” Dan murmurs into his skin, his hands flirting with the hem of Phil’s shirt and pushing it up his back.“Not anymore than usual.” Phil teases, running a hand through Dan’s hair and tilting his chin up with the other. Dan kind of looks like he wants to slap him across the face, but he brings their lips together and feels Dan melt against him. He grins into it, feeling triumphant.“Say you missed me back.” Dan pouts, crossing his arms in front of his chest and falling back on the bed petulantly.





	i'm half doomed and you're semi sweet

**Author's Note:**

> hi pals!!! this is my first fic in the phandom, though i've read a lot of them over the past few months. i hope you enjoy it :) originally i wanted it to be more fluffy but i thought this would have to do. i'm very happy with the banter and the teasing so i hope i do it justice. 
> 
> if you have any questions or wanna yell at me you can find me on tumblr @wonderboylouis
> 
> title is from disloyal order of water buffaloes by fall out boy because....i thought the lyric fit these dumb boys well and i'm trash for fob always
> 
> bye,
> 
> sam xo

>><<

Phil walks into the apartment, quiet and seemingly empty. It’s a rare occurrence, to say the least. Phil hardly ever leaves the house without Dan in tow, but every once in awhile he goes down to visit his family. Dan refused to tag along this time, saying that they were getting ‘too needy and weird’ and should spend a couple days apart. Granted, that plan backfired when they were constantly texting and video chatting. So much for not being grossly codependent, not that Phil sees anything wrong with that.

 

Phil walks down the hall to their bedroom, knocking lightly before hearing a muffled response and turning the knob. He’s greeted by the sight of Dan with his skinny jeans halfway up his thighs, and his phone between his teeth. The look on his face is priceless, and Phil can’t help the laugh that escapes him.

 

“What the hell are you doing?” Phil says, taking a few steps closer and mourning the loss of bare skin as Dan pulls his jeans all the way up and zips them. Dan takes his phone out of his mouth and squeezes it into the front pocket of his skinny jeans.

 

“What does it look like I’m doing? I was trying to look decent before you got home.” Dan huffs, the blush appearing in a little patch near his dimple. Flustered Dan is Phil’s favorite thing.

 

“You look lovely, as always. C’mere.” Phil beckons him closer with a hand motion, pulling Dan in by the collar of his shirt. Dan wraps his arms around Phil’s waist and buries his face in his neck, breathing him in.

 

“Does it sound pathetic if I say I missed you?” Dan murmurs into his skin, his hands flirting with the hem of Phil’s shirt and pushing it up his back.

 

“Not anymore than usual.” Phil teases, running a hand through Dan’s hair and tilting his chin up with the other. Dan kind of looks like he wants to slap him across the face, but he brings their lips together and feels Dan melt against him. He grins into it, feeling triumphant.

 

“Say you missed me back.” Dan pouts, crossing his arms in front of his chest and falling back on the bed petulantly.

 

“I missed you.” Phil replies instantly, easy and earnest as ever. “Now how about we order dinner and cuddle on the couch, yeah? I’m exhausted.” He watches intently as Dan’s face softens into a fond smile.

 

“I have a better idea. How about we eat dinner in bed and cuddle?” Dan offers, a glint in his eye. Phil knows that look far too well.

 

“If you insist.” Phil smirks, settling on top of the duvet as Dan pulls his phone out of his pocket and orders them their favorite pizza. Dan finishes the call and tucks his phone under the pillow before he slides up Phil’s body and straddles his hips.

Phil rubs his hands over his shoulder blades in a soothing manner, letting him have his way for now as he closes his eyes and absorbs his warmth. Dan starts trailing kisses up his jaw and Phil sighs blissfully, bringing his hands down to Dan’s hips and gripping him tightly.

 

“Why did you put on your skinny jeans if you just planned on jumping me when I got home?” Phil giggles at the petulant look on Dan’s face.

 

“I have to look sexy if I want you to ravish me. Also, I can’t sacrifice my aesthetic. Duh.” Dan replies, rolling his eyes and unbuttoning the top of Phil’s shirt.

 

Phil doesn’t grace him with a response this time, chest heaving as Dan trails his hands across his pecs and slides another button through. He inhales sharply when Dan playfully tweaks his nipple before continuing down his shirt, pressing kisses against his stomach and helping push the offending piece of clothing off his shoulders.

 

“You know you could’ve just worn the usual. Like, your pants and that hoodie that costs more than my entire wardrobe.” Phil teases. Dan looks up from unbuttoning his jeans through his lashes and gives him a warning glare.

 

“Don’t think I won’t bite it off, you twat.” Phil holds up his hands in surrender.

 

“Fair enough. But do ya think you’re actually gonna finish before the pizza gets here?” Phil asks, trying to stop the smile from happening, his lips twitching upwards.

 

“That all depends on how fast you can make me come, Philly.” Dan grins up at him, sliding down his zipper and easing the denim down his legs. Phil groans at the nickname, but leans back on his elbows to watch Dan undress. He doesn’t think it’s a sight he’ll ever get tired of.

 

Once they’re both only clad in pants, Dan crawls into his lap again and buries his hands in Phil’s hair. They’re kissing, warm and wet. Phil can feel it in his toes, the drag of their tongues lighting him up inside. Phil bites Dan’s bottom lip and pulls, tilting his neck back and letting their mouths separate, still connected by a string of saliva.

 

He feels Dan squirm on top of him, finally getting too impatient and sliding his thumbs under his waistband before pushing his underwear down his thighs. Phil stares at him, his mouth slack and his eyes so dilated there’s hardly any blue left.

 

“Are you gonna sit there and stare at me or are you gonna finger me?” Dan says, quirking his eyebrows at him as if it’s a challenge. Phil grabs onto Dan’s biceps and flips him, so he’s looming above him and pushing him into the mattress.

 

“Where’s the lube, Daniel?” Phil asks. He can already tell it’s not where they had left it the last time they did this. He looks down smugly at Dan as he watches his face flush with embarrassment.

 

“I was horny and alone, don’t judge me.” Dan huffs, pulling the bottle out from under the pillow and shoving it into Phil’s hand forcefully.

 

"I’m not judging you. Back in the day all my wet dreams consisted of you fingering yourself till you cried.” Phil lets the words roll off his tongue easily, the perfect picture of nonchalant. His heart is pounding and he can hear it in his ears as he squeezes the lube onto his fingers and throws the bottle to the foot of the bed in his haste.

 

“Jesus Christ, you can’t just _say_ things like that.” Dan whines as Phil pushes in a finger up to the first knuckle.

 

“As if you could stop me.” Phil scoffs, firmly planting his other hand on Dan’s navel as he sinks his finger all the way inside of him.

 

“Can you move it along? We’ve got like - _ah_ \- ten minutes before our dinner arrives, and I really don’t want you answering the door naked.” Dan says, biting his lip as Phil pushes two fingers into him and spreads them apart slowly.

 

“Jealous Danny strikes again. What would you do if I did answer the door in the middle of this, hm?” Phil teases, but there’s an edge in his voice. Like there’s a spark igniting a fire in his bloodstream. He quickens his pace and fucks into Dan with three fingers now, curling them in search of his spot.

 

“I would. Oh my fucking God. I’d…. p-p-punch the pizza guy in the face. And then I’d - ignore you for like. A week, at least.” Dan hisses out through his teeth, poorly managing to conceal the pleasure in his voice. Phil rubs his fingers against Dan’s prostate and watches him squirm and moan, until he can’t take it anymore.

 

“Bullshit. You can’t even ignore me for a couple of hours. You’ll do whatever I tell you to, isn’t that right?” Phil grins down at him as he pulls his fingers out of Dan and takes off his pants. He coats his cock in the leftover lube and wraps one hand around the back of Dan’s neck.

 

“No comment.” Dan chokes out, leaning his head up a little in order to kiss him. Phil goes willingly, sliding his other hand down to Dan’s inner thigh and guiding his legs to open wider. He lines himself up with Dan’s hole and slowly sinks inside of him, letting out a guttural moan at the wet heat surrounding him.

 

“You feel so good, baby.” Phil says, his lips still brushing Dan’s. Phil digs his nails into Dan’s hips as he starts to thrust. He can feel Dan trembling against him, whimpering and throwing his head back in ecstasy. Phil latches onto his neck, sucking a mark against his pale skin.

 

“That’s not f-fair, _fuck!_ ” Dan keens, trying to twist his neck away from Phil’s touch. Phil smiles against the skin of his cheek, holding him down and fucking into him faster.

 

“Oh, c’mon. I know you love it. That spot right behind your ear drives you wild, doesn’t it?” Phil whispers, tonguing against the spot and digging his teeth in a little. A moan rises from the back of Dan’s throat and betrays the glare he sends Phil’s way.

 

Phil slides his hands up Dan’s stomach and reaches his nipples. He leans his head down and sucks one into his mouth, thumbing at the other.

 

“Oh God, Jesus on a boat, I’m close.” Dan whines, his hands in his own hair. Phil pulls at his nipples until they’re red and sore, and Dan looks as if he might start crying.

 

“I’ve got you, darling.” Phil says, voice saccharine as he tucks his hands under Dan’s knees and pushes his legs up to his chest. He practically folds Dan in half as he starts to pound into him, staring down at Dan’s face as he squeezes his eyes shut. His eyelashes make shadows across his cheeks, long and dark as they flutter. He’s breathtaking, absolutely stunning and Phil will never get over it.

 

Dan opens his mouth in a silent scream as Phil rams into his prostate, staying there and grinding against it. Phil watches, entranced, as Dan’s back starts to arch. He puts a hand around Dan’s prick, stroking him as his body tenses up and he starts to come. Phil stares at his face, pink and pretty as ever.

 

As the aftershocks go through him, Dan opens his eyes and looks up at Phil. He can feel his heart skip a beat when Dan smiles at him, beaming with his dimples on full display. Phil smiles back, and carefully pulls out before rolling to lay on his side. Phil is so hard he’s aching, but he’s lost the ability to move at the moment.

 

Dan sits up and fits himself into the space between his legs. Phil looks down at him with his eyebrows raised.

 

“You just fucked me into another dimension. The least I can do is blow you.” Dan clarifies, ducking his head and licking the tip before Phil can do anything more than laugh.

 

Phil is completely enraptured as he watches Dan take him into his perfect, lush mouth. Phil slides his hands into Dan’s hair and pulls a little. He can feel Dan humming around him, the vibrations sending heat down his spine.

 

He’s been on the edge for a while, so it doesn’t take much. He loses it when Dan squeezes his balls and looks up at him coyly, as if his dick is a fucking lollipop. Phil comes, fast and hard into Dan’s mouth. He swears he can see stars behind his eyelids. The heat of Dan’s mouth leaves him, and once he feels like he’s caught his breath he sees Dan’s head resting on his thigh.

 

“I love your mouth.” Phil is pretty sure he says that every time Dan blows him, but he thinks it’s worth repeating. His boy deserves to be reminded. Dan bites at his thigh, silent in the wake of post-coital bliss.

 

The doorbell rings and breaks them out of their peaceful bubble. Dan is covered in come, lube, and sweat.

 

“Good thing I’m always the one who answers the door, huh?” Phil teases, dragging himself out of the bed and wiping himself off a little with a towel. He hands it to Dan to do the same and then slides his underwear back on. He goes into their drawers and pulls out a pair of joggers, black and old enough to have a hole near the knee.

 

“Put on a shirt before you answer the door.” Dan scolds.

 

“I’m just gonna take it right off when I come back in here.” Phil rolls his eyes, but complies and puts on one of his many discarded shirts on that are lying on the floor.

 

He hurries towards the door, money in hand, and does an awkward greeting with the pizza guy before taking the box and closing the door. Phil makes a beeline back to their bedroom, but decides to backtrack and get them both a glass of ribena.

 

He shuts the door behind him, the pizza box warm against his palms, and slides into bed next to a still very naked Dan.

 

“That’s just distracting.” Phil sighs, putting the pizza down and opening up the box. He sets the glasses of ribena on the night stand and pulls out a slice for himself. They’ve definitely worked up an appetite.

 

“Hm?” Dan inquires absentmindedly, eyes glued to his phone as he scrolls through Tumblr.

 

“You’re still naked. Also, be a good boy and eat your dinner.” Phil says sternly, taking a big bite of his slice.

 

“Please tell me that’s a sarcastic observation, Phil. I’m practically always naked. But, gimme.” Dan makes grabby hands for the pizza in Phil’s hand and tosses his phone aside. He raises his eyebrows at him, but hands him the partially eaten piece.

 

“Doesn’t make your bare skin any less distracting for me, mate.” Phil giggles, watching Dan take a bite out of the pizza and moan obscenely. Dan turns to him and shoves the pizza into his mouth. Phil makes a noise of surprise, but he’s mostly endeared by how much Dan loves feeding him.

 

“I’d say I’m sorry but you definitely know that I’m not.” Dan mumbles, mouth full as he pulls another piece of pizza out of the box and bites off the end before putting it in Phil’s mouth again.

 

“Two can play at this game, y’know.” Phil replies, pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it back onto the floor.

 

“Probably for the best, we really need to wash these sheets again.” Dan laughs, leaning across the bed to grab his drink. Phil watches his back muscles move, tensing and stretching as he settles back down with his feet tucked under him. Once they finish the pizza, Dan is laying down with his hand resting against his stomach.

 

“Kinda want dessert, kinda want to sleep.” Phil says, contemplating his choices.

 

“I vote dessert. But whatever you do, please remember to take out your contacts, babe.” Dan suggests, rolling over until he can rest his chin on Phil’s chest and look up at him.

 

“You’re just saying that because you have a thing for me in glasses.” Phil accuses, preparing to take out his contacts even as he says so.

 

“It’s a kink, just accept me for who I am, Phil.” Dan says, mock seriously. Phil puts his glasses over the bridge of his nose and adjusts them to make sure they’re snug behind his ears. Dan beams up at him, and all he can see is dimples. He pokes one with his pointer finger.

 

Dan pushes his hand up into Phil’s fringe and molds it into a messy quiff.

 

“We really need to shower, you know.” Phil eventually says, arms wrapping around Dan’s lower back.

 

“No point if we aren’t going to wash the sheets, too. We can shower in the morning. Maybe you should just go to sleep, you look exhausted. Sorry you can’t keep up with me, old man.” Dan teases. Phil slaps him on the ass in retaliation.

 

“Jet lag is real, you dickhead. What about the dessert?” Phil responds, rubbing his hands soothingly over Dan’s back.

 

“Doesn’t matter. We can bake something tomorrow, if you want. Or we could totally crash Louise’s baby shower and steal her cake.” Dan jokes, burrowing into Phil’s side and resting his cheek against his chest.

“We can’t exactly crash it when we’re invited, love.” Phil corrects, but he can’t stop grinning.

 

“She’d play along, for our sake’s.” Dan murmurs, his eyelids starting to droop.

 

“You’re right. Cake stealing it is. Good night, Dan. I love you.” Phil whispers into his hair, putting his chin on top of Dan’s head.

 

“Love you more.” Dan slurs, already half asleep as he grabs onto one of Phil’s hands and squeezes it in reassurance. Phil smiles down at the picture they make, and pulls the blankets over them. He takes his glasses off and turns off the lamp by the bed. Home sweet home.

>><<


End file.
